☆誑貓壹镞☆: 九月 2005

back to god

went to church with kristina today. it was good.
the mandarin department is sooooo small... and all the people there are at least 10 years older than me... i feel loved... haha... just kidding... they were really nice to me... but they have to admit they are old....
i liked the XP department. it reminded me of the retreats i went to every summer with daphne, julia, eve and them... i had so much fun... i miss those times.... no more retreats for us anymore...

i am really thankful that god brought me back to church again. it feels great to be back with him. i feel ashamed that i did not go to church at all last year... well.. a couple times... but that shouldnt really count....
i feel encouraged today, just because i know god is with me again. i like the feeling, and i appreciate the fact that i know god really truly loves me.

ok. the iPod has not come yet, and i am feeling so impatient at the moment. i wanted it soooooo badly... i cant wait anymore... the estimate time is wednesday... thats not a good day.... but i guess i would probably make wednesday easier for me cuz i know i have something to look forward to, and that thing would truly make me happy~~~
by the way, i do want it to arrive before wednesday though.....

k.. im going to bed...
peace out...
easy day tomorrow...
good thing~~~

iPod Day

i finally ordered an iPod. i am soooooo happy and excited.
it cost 400 bucks... thaz a lot. .. itz gonna take me a while to pay it off.... pain..
i parents would seriously kill me if they know i got it... but i really think i deserve to get it. i didnt get any present for my 19th birthday and christmas, and my 20th birthday is coming up... pretty soon... (yeah.. right..i'm just trying to excuse myself... ya'll know that), so i'll just get the iPod as an early birthday/christmas gift.
i got the best one available. 60GB. color display. i cant believe i have that much music.. actually i dont have 60GB of music yet, but i'll get there pretty soon. i have probably about 30GB now. so its not gonna be that hard for me to break the recor....it cost a lot, but i think itz worth the money.
i cant wait for it to come....... cant wait...

it sounds so scary when i think about my 20th birthday coming up. its such a scary number. i wont be a teenager anymore... and i'll need to stop shopping in the junior's department.
i dont look forward to it at all... the very thought of it makes me painful... heheh.... well.. i guess everybody just have to go that path, so, maybe after that, i wont feel that bad.... i dunno... watever...

i cant wait for my iPod to come.....

不理解的想法...

刚才读了以前的日记. 即使是一年前的想法, 我也已经开始有不理解的地方了。
我仍然偶尔会想居一, 不过已经完全和我想所有其他朋友是一样的. 好吧, 我承认, 不完全一样. 多少是有些不同的. 不过只是不同而已, 并没有特殊...
我有点搞不清楚, 为什么以前我会把他当做救世主一样的看待?! 或许这是令所有人都疑惑的问题吧. 我现在也说不出一个让自己满意的答案. 可除了我自己以外, 谁又在乎这个问题的答案呢?!
现在经常可以看到居一在QQ上, 可我已经没有和他讲话的冲动了. 唯一让我感到困惑的是, 为什么我仍然期待他和我讲话呢? 有意义吗? 我完全没有责备他的意思. 从来都没有过。我清楚的很, 主动讲话的那个人, 永远不会是他. 至少对我, 这是他不会改变的态度。
从北京回来后, 我就再没有听到过他的消息. 或许他的一切, 对我来说, 已经失去了以前的重要性. 我觉得, 这次回北京见到他, 已经让我没有任何遗憾了. 也或许是从那一天开始, 在我自己完全不知情的情况下, 那段坚持了6年的, 所谓的执着已经死去了. 离开的这些年里, 我所希望的, 不就是某一天, 我可以坦然的面对他, 然后像朋友一样的谈论生活和未来吗?! 我做到了, 不是吗? 虽然那天我们讲的话超不过10句, 我也觉得足够了.
这些年了, 反复说的都是那几句话. 别说他会觉得烦, 连我自己都开始觉得无法忍受了....

一直有想醉酒的冲动. 不是想放纵自己, 只是很想体会那种失去自我的感觉. 我觉得有时我不该这么理智, 这么清醒. 偶尔做做叛逆的事, (比如去纹身....) 会让我觉得比较快乐. 呵呵.. 或许有人会觉得我比较变态吧... 哈.. 谁又在乎呢?
我以前就是太在乎别人的想法, 所以才经常做些错的决定. 其实自己才该是生命的主宰, 别人的想法顶多是参考而已. 哎... 如果我早点有这种想法, 很多事情可能就不会是现在的这个样子了吧...
我已经不像以前那样固执了. 以前喜欢兰色, 就一定什么都要是兰色的. 现在仍然喜欢兰色, 却也会买绿色, 粉色的东西. 我想这是种进步.
说句土点的话: 每天的太阳都是新的. 何必每天都说着重复的话, 想着过去的事.
我希望每天都是新的开始....

我居然开始考虑抽烟了, 这不是个好的想法, 而且是完全不像我自己的想法. 我到底在想些什么东西?!! 算了, 终究只不过是个想法而已....

I want an iPod... i really want one... i do.... really really badly....

tough day

i feel sick. really really sick.
my nose is running and stuffy. my throat is hurting. my eyes are puffy. i feel exhausted. i think it is because i didnt sleep well last night. or i spent too much time watching DVD. i dont know.. there could be other reasons which i have not realized their existence yet.

i dont know what i am writing about..... confused...
whatever....
not in a good mood today...

adrien totally pissed me off today. he kept turning me down on my project. or maybe i should not blame him, for i did not work hard enough on the project at first.... maybe... i dunno...

loz to do tonight and tomorrow. i dont feel quite happy about having tomorrow off for some reason....
i've been acting weirdly lately....
whatever...
it's all good~~

十五的月亮

今天是中秋节. OAKLAND这边的月亮也很圆很亮~~~

纹身

桑靓一直吵着要我把纹身照下来给她看. 今天才有时间传上来. 现在她该可以满足了...

范迪说我这种看起来这么纯的人,实在想象不到会有纹身. 其实当时,我也没想到自己会有这么大勇气, 敢真的去纹身.

我觉得纹身并没有想象的那么痛,那么可怕. 那种疼痛绝对是人可以忍受的程度.

我觉得自己特别奇怪, 我敢再去纹身, 却不敢去穿耳洞.

这张照片不是很清楚, 光线不太好. 看哪天有时间, 照张好点的再传一次.

希望大家没有被我吓到.......

我要去睡觉了. 各位, 晚安~~

愚蠢的行为和艰难的决定

今天在洗碗的时候,不小心把手划破了. 很久很久没有做这么愚蠢的事情了. 其实也没照片里那么恐怖,我有点小题大做. 不过希望各位看的时候还是做好心理准备......

我在想了好久之后,才决定把以前所有的日记都慢慢搬上这里. 我觉得这对我来说,是个很艰难的决定.有太多时候,我太在乎别人的感受和想法,所以才做了很多愚蠢的事情. 我想,这个决定对我来说,绝对是一种进步.有些事情,我终于可以开始释怀,不再那么在意了. 大概,我是不会把所有,全部,的日记都放上来的. 我觉得多多少少,我也该给自己保留些属于自己的隐私空间.

今天黄喆打过电话了.我有时候觉得很难得,也只有他才会在中秋节这种我根本不记得的节日里打电话给我. 发现一个很有趣的现象, 每次和他通话的时候,都不知道怎么打招呼. 说HELLO不太合适,HI 也听起来怪怪的,你好又觉得太客气了. 我想下次还是用日语和他打招呼好了.. 呵呵..

part of the 471

471 pix in one day...

i think i seriously have some mental problem... hehe... i am kidding here..
i went to Longs today to buy some school stuff and saw these BEEEEEEEEEEAUUUUUTIFUL flowers in their garden department. so i took out my camera immediately and started taking pictures. people were staring at me and probably thought me mental.... well.. who cares.. i know i am mental.. and that's good enough... hahaha...
i knew i took A LOT of pix, like 200 +.... BUT... after i got home and loaded the pix to my computer is when i realized the number is 471. and that's an aweful lot of pix. 孟洋would be really happy about this.~~~ it'll take me a lot of time to update it to my photo album....not a fun thing to do...

school started for almost two weeks and the amount of homework is quite intense. i already feel kinda stressed... not a good sign. .. not good at all..
i like adrien's design 1 class. i like his strictness and the way he pushes us. but he expects a little too much out of us. we are only design 1, and how on earth are we supposed to know all the technical structure of the garment?! that class gives me probably the most stress....
fashion history is ok so far. not much homework. good. the only thing is, the teacher (i dont even know her name.. sad...) still does not stop for breathing when she talks.
english has A LOT reading to do. like more than a hundred pages or something close to that number. not fun..
intro to modern art doesnt have much to do YET.... but it's coming... soon....
other than that, illustration 1 and intro to textiles are quite fun and bearable. so far. dont know how iris and deborah are gonna torture us as the semester goes on yet. but no matter what, they are not gonna be as crucial as the others.
i'm tryin' to keep my spirit high.. i'm tryin'....